They’re Not Sinners and We’re Not Saints - What Others Should Know About Foster Caring

Foster caring can be difficult and challenging, but is ultimately deeply worthwhile. Both parents and children are made aware of what their care involves when they enter into it, but outsiders, even friends and family, often have misconceptions about the new family arrangement. These misconceptions can be, but are certainly not limited to, the following:

1. Birth parents are not ‘monsters’. They are not always the horrible, neglectful or abusive people that spring to mind when we talk about foster children. They often just need help with their own issues before they can become capable parents again. More often than not, they love their children and are working hard to create a better home life for them, turning to foster care agencies like Capstone for help.

2. Foster carers are not ‘saints’. This is a very common misconception, often voiced as the opinion, ‘Oh, I could never do that!’ Foster carers are not super humans, taking on the responsibilities mere mortals cannot. Foster children are often not the troubled, challenging individuals they are taken for. Carers are simply holding out a hand to help someone else in need.

3. Foster carers are not rich, and are not making money from caring. Carers do not need to be exceptionally wealthy, but they do need to be financially stable. To assist in a child’s care, the family will be given an allowance, often dependent on the child’s age and specific needs. This allowance, however, does not support the whole family!

4. Children, contrary to popular belief, do not become ‘stuck in the system’. The entire foster caring system is built around the ideal that eventually, a child can go back to their parents and family home. They are not simply shunted around until they’re old enough to leave, although there are teenagers who remain in the system voluntarily, until they are old enough to live independently.

5. Foster children ARE your real children. As long as the child is in their home, the foster carer loves that child as if they were their own. Sometimes the carer does adopt the child, but more often than not the child goes back to their birth parents. This can be painful for the carer, as they forge connections with the child, but helping a family reunite can make the whole experience worthwhile. The bonds that are created can never be broken.